audreyk's Cancer Blog
January 15, 2010
After a long period of not updating here, I am ready to come back.
I can’t explain why I felt like I didn’t want or need to be on here anymore, it wasn’t really a conscious decision. I just didn’t log in and update one day…...and then that led to the next day and the next. and here I am now.
Since posting on here last, I’ve had many problems, faced many obstacles.
Cancer update: finished out my third type of chemo. It didn’t give me the neuropathy, cold sensitivity, or any blind episodes. It still sucked. That finished in July. I had a PET Scan in November, it came back fine. We had a big scare with a spot on my liver, luckily it is just a cyst. I am sorry to say that the second I heard “spot on your liver, we need to do more tests” I immediately went negative and started thinking that the iliestomy, chemo, radiation, everything I’ve gone through…was for nothing. I was sure it had spread and I was done for. But after a horrible weekend and a few days, it turned out to be a cyst. Wow. Anyway, now everything is looking good, cancer treatment seems to be over. As long as my tests keep coming out good. Scheduled for now is a consultation with my surgeon, setting the surgery date to have my iliestomy removed, and hopefully getting my port removed. Nobody has really said much about the port.
It feels weird. I’m not doing any treatment, but I’m not quite done. And obviously we can’t say I’m in remission, a survivor. So am I still a cancer patient? I guess so.
In other parts of my life things are fine. Alex and I are great as usual. Almost at 4 years now. I’ve picked our engagement rings on Etsy, they’re wonderful. I wanted to make it to Arkansas for Thanksgiving so badly but we couldn’t. Christmas kinda sucked. I’m relieved the holidays are over for awhile. My dad’s health has gone way downhill. He is probably going into a nursing home soon.
I just want…..
what do I want? I don’t know.
I just want…. to feel happier? be done with everything and never have to do it again? to what….?
I’m out for now. Good luck to everyone…
Audrey
My god Audrey…I kept thinking where has she gone??? So good to hear from you!
I think your feelings are normal. You fight like hell to get cancer out of your body and then it takes awhile for you to stand back up an dmove forward with your life.
I totally get what you mean about what do you call yourself? They have not said cured or remission to me either, so I often wonder what do I say? I guess the word alive is good for starters.
I know you will be happy to have the reversal surgery. I think we will do the happy dance for you when you give us the word.
Sorry to hear about your father. I know how difficult that must be.
Ending this on a positive note, glad to hear that life with Alex is still good.
Here’s to a happy and healthy new year fo you and your family!
bo
Posted on I am so glad to hear from you, even with lifes obsticals you are healing, your body and your mind and soul will follow.
Sorry to hear about your father, I pray he is at peace and pain free.
Blessings!
Posted on Dear Audrey; One thing you never have to feel, is guilty for not being on this site every waking moment. I too have taken time away just to clear my mind of cancer connections with others, as I battle my everyday issues. It isn’t easy to support others when you are going through your own hell. I’m sure you are pleased that the treatments are over and looking forward to reversing the illeostomy (sp?). You are not alone about who and what we are, after we know that we have cancer. It’s called living with it as best as we can. I heard reported that most people in fact have cancer cells in their bodies, but not all are ever awakened and discovered. Now isn’t that something to ponder? Makes you feel almost human! So sorry to hear about your Dad but as life will have it, we can never predict how we will end our remaining days. We can only be grateful for what we have now. Hence I believe people with cancer get a second chance to relive their life with a much more keen sense of understanding others and their pain. It’s also a time to take a deep breath and live, like there is no tomorrow. That being said, you are getting married, and that means a big step is about to happen. That’s wonderful news and you will be kept busy thinking of how you want to share that momentous day. That’s what I call positive. Great that you popped in to say hi to all of us. You might want to click on Memorials since we did loose a couple of friends here that you might have commented to. Best of times are yet to come. Take care Audrey.
Posted on Audrey I am going through the same feelings as you. I sometimes avoid coming here but can’t explain why? Sometimes if I am in a really good mood and don’t want to be sad and think about the cancer, I stay away. I try not to let it consume every thought in my mind and it is easing up a bit. I finished chemo in Oct and am watching daily for my hair to grow, which I think it’s starting too. I lost a lot of it, its so thin and like baby hair, the only way I can wear it is up in a little ponytail. It’s to thin to wear down. I get my port out in April if my colonscopy next month comes out good. I still have neuropathy in my hands and feet, worse in my feet but am taking vitamin b6 for that.
I am happy to hear you are doing well, keep fighting!
hugs
amy
Posted on April 22, 2009
wow thank you so much everyone, including the two new voices emma and micheal.
I haven’t posted lately because I just felt like there was nothing to say and I was trying to remember that there is more to my life than having cancer, which is actually the center of my life right now so thats pretty dumb of me. sorry about that.
Chemo is wonderful now! No more cold sensitivity, no neuropathy tingling and numbness, no anything bad! Except of course the fatigue and I get really REALLY cranky the first day….but that is so wonderful compared to before. Only until Mid-July to go!
And I have been so crazy hungry lately. I am getting a mild steroid, is that it? I seriously gained like 15 pounds back. I HATE that so I started a yoga challenge with myself which will make me strong again and is just great anyway. I made a yoga poster and put it right on my wall by the front door and one of my bookshelves and put two months worth of calender days for me to check off as I go. It has only been one day and I feel great. I used to be really really big into yoga about 4 years ago…I even stopped eating a lot of junk and was running and doing so good….and then the car accident. My friend ran a stop sign and a jeep ran into me. Wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever written about this on here but I’m not about to look…so… Basically I had to be cut out of the car, cut out of my favorite jacket and jeans (one of the worst parts when I think about it now), and then carried to an ambulance with a ANKLE shattered into over 200 pieces. I would have said it was the most disgusting feeling of my life but since so many things have happened to my butt since being diagnosed with cancer I’m going to have to say…not anymore! Haha. Seriously though I could feel everything moving around the whole time and it was horrible. So that was a week in the hospital with two plates and some pins put in my ankle and then 2 months of bed rest (ugh, did I mention this was like two weeks before I turned 17? and the beginning of summer? ugh!) and I’ve had so many issues with my left leg/hip since that I have never gotten back into yoga. Until yesterday. Oh and if anyone is curious, I have two wonderful 6 inch ladder scars on my ankle that I can get tattooed after..5 years for scar tissue?..and no I don’t limp at all and yes it throbs with bad weather.
Okay so in other news Alex and I went to Busch Gardens yesterday with a friend on Monday. So fun! We live like 30 minutes away and we never go. Because we are stupid! I forgot how great Busch Gardens is! We got passes for the next year for Busch Gardens and Seaworld. We are going to Seaworld next Saturday after we go to the Green Thumb Festival! The GTF is this great great event in the park, always around Earth Day and they have a huge amount of plants for sale, crafts, food, all sorts of stuff in the park. This is doubly fun for me because Alex has never been. I love it and have not been in two years. Seaworld will be extra extra fun because not only have we not been together ever but I haven’t been in like ten years! Way to go FL Residents and cheap ticket deals! All we have to do for the next year when we want to go to either of the parks is pay for gas and food. So that takes care of a lot….
My dad is doing super wonderful and he is in Phoenix right now! He left Monday and will be back late tonight. He is also the reason we are going to Seaworld/Orlando on Saturday, he has a dinner meeting Sunday night and two presentations on Monday. So obviously, that is good.
I have been really crafty lately and am starting an awesome bright dress today. I’ll let you guys know how it turns out!
-Audrey
Happy Earth Day!
You sound so upbeat and awesome! I am thrilled that things are going well with you, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I pray your life continues to improve, you deserve it. Great to hear that Dad is doing well also!
Blessings.
I am so glad you are getting back into yoga. Me too. I am determined to become stronger and more limber!
Posted on Audrey,
It sounds like you are doing great! Mind over matter. I too am doing yoga. It really does seem to help. I look forward to it.
Soon, you will be crossing the finish line. Excellent news. Keep up the good work and spirits.
Kim
I am picturing myself in the Lotus position…I am sensing much pain…I am done with yoga unless it is covering raisons, I love those things…
Mac
Posted on I’m glad you’re back, Audrey. I was wondering if you’d found a more dynamic family somewhere…...(not a chance!) It’s great to feel your positive vibes through your words.
Audrey,
How are you? I haven’t see you around here lately. I hope you’re doing well.
Hugs,
Yuyu
Posted on HI there, I read your bio and I am so sorry about your mom and for you at such a young age. I do have a question since I have colon cancer also, you mentioned chemo is better and you no longer get the cold sensitivity…....when did that stop or did it stop because you don’t get the med that causes that anymore? I hate the cold sensitivity, it feels like you touch an electric fence if you touch something cold, and I do get the mouth sores. I bought a wig because the nurse that gives me the chemo said I’d loose my hair, but then the docs told me it would just thin. the nurse said by week 3 it would be coming out….yesterday marked week 3 and although it is coming out in strands it isn’t coming out in clumps yet. I believe you said yours just thinned? did it thin noticeably that you had to get a wig or wear something?
You are a beautiful young woman so hang in there and fight this monster with the rest of us!
hugs,
Amy
Hi Audrey,
I just read some of your blog and I just want to say that you are a very amazing young woman. Your courage and sense of humor are amazing!
I just began my fight with Colon Cancer. There is so much still unknown for me. My initial path on the polyp was pretty positive. I will have m resection on Tuesday and after that I will know what stage the cancer is.
Regardless of that I can ony hope and pray that I am as a tenth as courageous and tough during my fight as you are.
I don’t know if you are religious or not, but if you are, I will include you in all of my prayers, and if you’re not, then please know I am sending positive thoughts your way. You are an inspiration to so many of us.
Anita
Posted on We have not heard from you in a while.
I pray that you are alright. Give us an update if you could.
Love and God bless,
Jacques
Posted on Haven’t heard from you in forever…. Praying it is because you are doing so well. Stop by and say hey! Let us know you are okay.
02.15.09 
Thanks for your support - 
